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The Dangerous Cost of People-Pleasing

UnhappyWhere do you fit on the scale of people pleasing? How does it impact what you do in your career and your relationships?

Belonging is fundamental need, so doing anything to disrupt one’s state of belonging can be frightening. People want to be liked and often adopt manners and behaviors to fit in. It's normal and how cultural mores are born. However, seeking to make others happy at the expense of your deeper convictions can only lead to resentment and grief. This can often be seen when trying to fulfill a parent’s wishes over one’s real desires.


As CG Jung said, "Nothing has a stronger influence psychologically on their environment, and especially on their children, than the unlived life of a parent.”

Like all things, there is a continuum to pursuing one’s own interests and serving others. Ironically, it can be just as selfish to sacrifice and make others happy because you want them to like or approve of you.

The key is to check in with your motives and seek behaviors and goals that align with your vision, values and enhance your self-respect. If you're not sure, try writing a list of your parents' values and wishes (or your boss' or a loved one's) and then write your personal list and see how they compare. 

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