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Entries from January 2009

The Secret Recipe to Living a Peaceful Life

Now and then I receive a flood of comments about something I wrote that touched people in numerous ways. I wanted to take a moment and share one of them. It's an excerpt from my company's newsletter and is dedicated it to all my soul friends, new and old...and to souls I haven't met...blessings, healing thoughts, and peace to all of you...




















The Ultimate Relationship

At the heart of the most successful recovery and healing models is the honoring of spirit. Spirit, which means “breath” or “breath of life,” addresses the essence and meaning we find in life—and can have a religious aspect for some, but is often seen as separate from religion.

Spirit compels us to look beyond and see outside of ourselves. It’s what makes us smile at a beautiful sunset or little children playing at the playground. It’s what makes us weep when a loved one passes. It’s why we play with Mother Nature when we go camping, skiing, surfing, boating, golfing, hiking, gardening (and all the other “ings”). It’s why we fall in love, give love and feel grateful in spite of life’s ups and downs.


With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I thought I’d take a moment to honor that ultimate relationship—the spirit within each of us. Here are 12 Signs of a Spiritual Awakening from Hamilton & Jackson:

    1. An increased tendency to let things happen rather than make them happen.
    2. Frequent attacks of smiling.
    3. Feelings of being connected with others and nature.
    4. Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
    5. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than on fears based on past experience.
    6. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
    7. A loss of ability to worry.
    8. A loss of interest in conflict.
    9. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
    10. A loss of interest in judging others.
    11. A loss of interest in judging self.
    12. Gaining the ability to love and not worry about receiving anything in return.

Getting a Job after Being Laid Off…Stage Three: Employing Top-Notch Interview and People Skills

Business pople world As discussed in the previous series of posts, by now you’ve been working through the grief of your lost job, did some soul-searching, identified your skills and job desires, polished your résumé boilerplate and customized it to fit each job opportunity, networked, and now you’ve landed a job interview for that job you really want. What do you do?


This is where I point you back to stage one. Grief. You may still have some unprocessed grief that can make you a little extra panicked about the job interview. It’s normal. Take a moment to feel the feelings of any fear or panic and then breathe and reassure yourself that you WILL be okay if you don’t get this job. Yes, you read that correctly. Let it go and feel the feelings that everything will be okay if you do not get the job. Clinginess and desperation often repel people, so releasing any of these feelings will make you more approachable.


When you go into the interview, you may be asked a series of questions about your background and why you are the best match for the job. Some of the questions may even be ridiculous, like what kind of animal you would be in your career. Don’t worry about those. There are no wrong answers. The key is to be Genuine, Present, Respectful, and Real. Listen to the interviewer and hear the question behind the question. For instance, you may be asked why you spent such a short amount of time at your previous jobs when what they really want to know is whether you’ll be committed to the company and dependable for the long haul. If it is the job you desire (and it must be if you’ve followed the steps in this series) then you can look the interviewer directly in the eye and assure her/him that you are completely committed and would like to see yourself working with them for years to come.


This brings me to my next point. The interviewer is a human being—not a judge. Build a relationship and make Contact with them. Connecting to them as a genuine person and professional can reap rewards beyond the job. It will help you to settle in the job if you get it, as you will have an inside team member advocating for your success. Or, if you both discover the job is not a mutual fit, you can still ask for their assistance, referrals or even work with them down the road.


To recap, being Genuine, Present, Respectful and Real leads to making Contact – which provides you with one of the most essential skills the U.S. Department of Labor says is needed in today’s global economy. To aid your memory, your interview and “people relations” formula for success is: G+P+R+R=C


Sometimes contact gets broken because of other factors, like power struggles. People tend to fight for their turf and want to feel that their sense of worth isn’t being trampled by a new person. Interviewers and managers can also suffer from such struggles—especially if they’re new at interviewing or managing and not very confident in their own skin. They might tend to overcompensate and act controlling or micromanaging. If this is the case, you might want to utilize some proven power struggle cures.  They are in my new eBook, Ten Keys for Staying Empowered in a Power Struggle, which many are praising as a powerful tool for curing conflict. You can access it at www.TenKeysToPowerStruggles.com   

Getting a Job after Being Laid Off…Stage Two: Tips for Developing Your Résumé and Networking

The first stage after getting laid off involves attending to your grief (see post on 12/17/08). I cannot stress this part enough as the grief of a layoff can haunt you in your next job and can cause you to behave in ways that can sabotage your success (which is not that dissimilar to being heart-broken and carrying those wounds into the next relationship). Please feel free to contact me or another counselor or coach if you’re experiencing any of these issues right now. Now moving on to the second stage…


Is your résumé or CV (Curriculum Vitae) ready? Are you networking and meeting people? Or are you dreading both of these and wishing you could put your head under the pillow and just sleep it off? Or maybe you’ve decided to take a little control and start your own business. Whatever the situation, there are some methods to consider that will better align you in your search.


1.         Values…

First, take a moment to prioritize your values. Fear of losing one’s home and lifestyle often rises up when someone loses their job, causing a kneejerk reaction to look for the first thing that pays. This is normal because you’re trying to get your basic needs met, but what if you accept something that contradicts your values? It could leave you in an even more vulnerable place because then you’ll want to leave a job right after getting laid off a previous one. Having a short job tenure like this could scar your career track record—even if you leave it off of your résumé. Why? The undisclosed job can decrease your self-confidence and, like a ghost, haunt you with an inner sense of shame. Thus, figure out your values first and use them to filter out jobs that don’t match.


2.         Setting goals…

Second, now that you’ve assessed your values, it’s time to consider your goals. To develop realistic and personalized career goals is a two-step process. One, take a moment to consider your dreams and aspirations. What really gives you meaning? Make a list of your desires. Is it working with people? Working alone? Fold a sheet of paper in half and on one side write out a list of all of the things you like to do at work. On the second side, write out a list of your existing skills (can you use a computer? Can you write? Can you sell?). When possible, quantify your skills (sold $100 thousand of product in last year…made 40 appointments that resulted in acquisition of 16 new clients…). Now, place the skills and desires at the top of the list that are most meaningful for you. Connect both and create career goals that best capture your career desires and skills.


3.         Building a résumé that fits…

The next step deals with résumé building. Your résumé is not just about writing a chronological list of jobs you’ve held. It tells a story about you and works best when written in a way that lets the reader get a glimpse of your journey, but really tells them about your future goals and values. People hire people that are motivated and passionate. As long as you are seeking jobs that are aligned with your natural skills and desires AND in a workplace that is congruent with your values, you WILL be motivated and passionate. You can let that come through by writing a quasi proposal about how your goals are their goals and how you will implement them. Create a boilerplate of material that you can pull from and then arrange your material to fit the advertised job description (or UN-advertised job description). Look at the businesses where you want to work and contact them. Share ideas on how your skills can help them. Don’t be afraid to make cold calls—you’re pursuing jobs that are aligned with your passion, skills and values after all. Even if people don’t hire you, you’ve made contacts and earned respect for pursuing your passions.


4.         Networking…

The fourth step addresses networking. If you’re making cold calls and finding businesses that match you and your personal philosophy, then you’re making contacts. Ask those people where they network. Ask them for referrals. Look up professional organizations in your industry(ies) of choice and visit them. Talk to your friends and neighbors about your goals. When you let the world know what you want, it has a way of gifting you. The clearer your goals are articulated and the more aligned they are with your inner yearnings, the more amazing the results.


Again, please feel free to contact me for assistance with writing your résumé, defining your goals, or uncovering your inner passion.


This is the second post in a three-part series. The next post will cover interview skills and “people relations” strategies.